I’ll make this short: #1 because I’m exhausted, and #2 the more I tell about it the more it makes me want to strangle 3 airport workers. (Is that gonna be pick up on some terrorist spider?) Kidding, kidding.

I check in to Schipol airport for my Bahrain flight, print out boarding pass. Easy enough. I’m getting good at this stuff. Go to counter to drop bag. Bag(s). With an “s”. I’m traveling for 2 weeks straight. An “s” at the end of “bag” would be expected. Si? Eh, not so much, says KLM. I’m allowed 20 kilos (about 40 lbs). That said, I’m a pretty light packer. Not one of those gals whose shoe to day ratio is 3 to 1. I’m practical. I have one medium sized bag for 2 weeks, plus a carry on. However, since I’m attending tradeshows, I have an extra bag with tradeshow stuff. Two bags. One person. About 40 kilos. 20 more than KLM allows. So, what’s a girl to do? I ask.

KLM baggage drop girl (<—official title): “Well, you can throw out 20 kilos.”

me (kinda laughing): “You want me to THROW AWAY 20 kilos of my stuff.”

KLMBDG: “Well, yes ma’am, unless you want to pay extra to send this bag through.”

me (not laughing anymore): “How much?”

KLMBDG: “It’s a lot.” <—-her ACTUAL answer.

me (growing impatient): “How much?”

KLMBDG: “A lot.” <—-still, her actual response.

me: blank stare

her: “400 Euro”

me: still blank stare. then a maniacal laugh. (thinking she doesn’t know what’s about to happen.)

me: “Well, YOU tell ME. If this was you, what would YOU do?”

Voices raise. I am pissed. Supervisor comes. I have no choice but to pay the nearly $600 dollars (go on, read that one again). Ok course i can’t do that from that window. It’s a differnt window, at the other end of the airport. AWESOME! Get to THAT window, my credit card don’t work. AWESOME! End up paying $600 of my own money. AWESOME. Rush to gate. Oh, what? No gate G34? After rushing to the end of the airport?! Oh, that’s my seat number?! I’m at gate A3? At the OTHER end of the airport? AWEEEEESOME!

Fun times, fun times.

Ok, I realize the next few paragraphs have nothing to do with anything above, or with each other for that matter. Cut me some slack. It’s a brain dump.

Could It Be?

No joke, standing at the gate in Amsterdam, ready to board for Bahrain. Overhead on airport loud speaker: “Will passenger Lil’ (im taking liberities with the spelling) Jon departing Amsterdam for flight 455 to Houston please report to the gate. You are holding up the plane and you bags will be pulled.” Could it be the Krunk Juice King? Would it be a stretch to believe he was in Amsterdam “Uhhnnn. What?!” Get low.

More reasons to hate KLM

This is a small thing, but when you’ve been ticked off all morning at traveling, those small things are the ones that getcha. Know how when you’re watching the inflight entertainment and the captain or flight attendant comes on the speaker to make an announcement? Well normally, the movie stops, and resumes when the announcement is over, right? Fair enough. Well, not so much at KLM Airlines. Not only does the movie NOT stop, the sound goes off, the FF and Rewind controls don’t work, so you are a watching a movie, not sound, while the announcement is repeats in 7 languages. So silly me, as soon as they finish, and it comes back on, I hit rewind. What happens? They come back on to repeat the announcement in Dutch. So i’m stuck watching the part i just watched without sound, now, at twice speed backwards. Awesome. I gave up and watched 30 Rock. And glad i did, because I was reminded by Mr. Tracy Jordon, to Kenneth the page, to “live every week….like it’s Shark Week!” Ah, what great advice.

What chew lookin’ at Willis?
Apparently, it’s perfectly normal to STARE at someone for over 30 seconds in foreign airports. WTF? If you think my new coat that I just bought in Amsterdam is hella cute, just SAY something. Don’t stare at me like I am an Alien. YES! A real life American. Go ahead, touch me. That will be 400 Euros.

Let’s look at the bright side: I REALLY like the way the girl in Perth waxed my eyebrows, and the cab driver in Bahrain was playing Timbaland when I got in. Score.

(p.s. Jenny, if you are reading this, I could have really used a Bloggess photoshopped KLM Sucks pic)