Kurt, director of Camp For All explains the concept of “Selfish Selflessness” as one getting more out of an act of selflessness than the recipient. Before Kurt, a guy named Gandhi said it best, “The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.”

So why, after sitting though 8 hours of inspirational talks, surrounded by my friends, colleagues, and beloved Houstonians am I struggling to make sense of why I feel so tormented, and not high as a kite?

I think I know.

Ya see, about 6 months ago. I hit a wall. Emotionally, socially, work, personally, I reached the end of my rope, and there wasn’t much there but a few frayed ends and an exhausted, lost entrepreneur. I started to question everything. I lost confidence, probably mostly due to the lack of sleep and sanity I was experiencing. After two somewhat successful years of running my first startup company, I couldn’t see what the next year looked like. And it kinda freaked me out.

End of the year, people always ask “so what’s 2011 look like for you?”, “Any big projects?”, “Whatcha working on?” I found myself uncomfortable answering these questions as I didn’t know the answers. I’d make stuff up, or casually change the subject to avoid the conversation. Truth be told I was UNINSPIRED.

2010 was an amazing year for me professionally. I collaborated with some of the most respected creatives in Houston (which also happen to be some of my closest friends) on projects such as Houston’s 1st WordPress WordCamp, the inaugural AMP Summit in D.C., and Houston’s Midtown 10 year celebration and Block Party. I traveled monthly to Los Angeles to help a community of Zen Buddhist practitioners discover the internet and the power of social media. I trained numerous small businesses on finding a voice for their company online, and I helped out with Houston’s inaugural TEDxHouston in June of 2010.

Personally, I was fortunate enough to discover one of my favorite places to visit in Texas: Marfa, and have made many trips back since. It’s sure to become a staple in my travel life from now until I can stand sitting in a car for 10 hours. I continued to help my family raise our adopted 2 year old cousin, an experience that had me at home for 18 months living with my parents at age 31.

Yet in December, as projects wound down, collaborators moved on to new work, I had moved out of my parents house and back to my beloved Museum District apartment, I found myself empty, tired, and uninspired. Contemplating as an entrepreneur can be a very lonely feeling. Sure, I’m surrounded by tons of people to support me daily. In fact, a group of 4 fellow colleagues right in my office. However, I struggled with being able to find answers from others, and started to look inward.

So I decided to make some changes. Not those end of the year Im-gonna-lose-80-lbs-by-memorial-day changes, but changes spurred by my inability to reach happiness from professional success. Now, I use “success” as a term to describe my opportunity to work on projects I believe in, and of course, pay my rent; not as a term of financial success. Hell, I’m lucky if there’s a 2 digit number in my savings account today.

I made a few promises to myself at the end of 2010: I’d try to spend more time with the people who’ve loved me longer than 5 years. I’d try to be nicer to my heart both emotionally and physically. I’d try to rest more, relax more, laugh more, and live more in the moment, and not for the next day, week, or month.

In January 2011 I hired my first employee. Someone who has changed my life immensely, whether she knows it or not. This one step allowed for me to achieve my promises. I had more time to relax. I had more time to be healthy. SLEEP  MORE. Eat better. Remind my gym that I was still a member. I visited my family more. Took my friends to Marfa, and even found some room for love in my heart.

But at the expense of all of these changes came the very thing that has brought me to this morning’s feeling of guilt. The last 6 months, whether recognizable or not, I have pulled back. Socially I attend less events. I tweet less. I don’t follow as many. Mentally I’m taking on projects that don’t require extraordinary things from me. Physically I’m not volunteering to help with near as many projects. I had a drastically reduced role on this year’s TEDxHouston committee, another issue that causes me guilt.

But yesterday, a shift occurred in me. More like a kick. I felt some inspiration return. I felt excited, proud, hopeful. After these emotions came the guilt, fear, and selfishness. But as Kurt suggested, I believe these emotions can co-exist. Excitement often does come with fear. And inspiration often comes with a sense of guilt: WHERE DO I START?

I’m working on that question, and as I am trying to figure it out, a few key ideas stuck with me from yesterday:

Houston’s a BADASS. Just ask Laura Spanjian of Green Houston. And we have the power and resources to teach others.

Innovation and CREATIVITY are needed to fix the problems that Politics and blind Capitalism created. Loved Constance Adams’ shout out to etsy!

We need to all focus our energy on ENERGY. For realz, y’all. This ain’t a politician’s documentary that exists in a parallel universe. It’s here.

We need to rediscover our CONVICTIONS and not be afraid to show them, ya know? Thank you, thank you, @PastorChrisSeay.

Small things can do BIG THINGS with science. Just ask Dr. Wade Adams.

If you aren’t getting the answers you want to solve a problem, CHANGE THE QUESTIONS. Angela Blanchard of Neighborhood Centers reminded us that you can’t fix on top of broken.

After 8 hours of inspiring talks, performances, discussions, and surprises, the day ended with one single outstanding young man poetically giving his premonition for the future. A raging, descriptive, horrific account of the RED our planet will become if we don’t go GREEN.

And when his powerful words were completed, he uttered two of the most prolific, digestible ideas of the entire day:

Buy a water filter to avoid plastic bottles, and unplug your appliances when they are not in use.

TWO SIMPLE IDEAS THAT MADE 8 HOURS OF INSPIRATION ACHIEVABLE.

So that’s where I’m gonna start.  Where will YOU go from here?

I’ve been volunteering on the Hospitality Committee for the last year and can’t wait to show off our city to other lovers of culture.

To kick things off, this Thursday from 6-8pm Discovery Green will be hosting a P.O.D.S. (portable on demand storage) party at Maconda Grove, wherein local museums have been given a POD to decorate as they see most represents the mission of their museum. Food and Drink from Saint Arnold and Fusion Taco.

More on the event over at the Houston Press here.

The exhibit will stay at Discovery Green until June 6th.

See you there, art lovers!

I’ll be speaking tomorrow at the pre-conference Politicopia on Why Social Media Matters in Politics and on Geotagging.

Oh, and there’s also this little film festival called Sundance.

In her words:

“Whether you’re more Donna Reed or Gloria Steinem – Jackie-O or Marilyn – Oprah or Golda Meir we have a workshop designed just for you.  What we know, what we love – is women.  Powerful women.  Creative women.  Fearless women.  We find them irresistible.  Over the last few years, we’ve been on the lookout for ordinary women doing extraordinary things.  Now it’s our mission, to unite these women with other amazing women all over the world.  Women just like you.”

Erica has created a year long series of Workshops designed at helping women transform their lives.

This month’s workshop, The Art of Daring takes place Jan 31st.

Erica asked me to be interviewed for this month of Daring. And I dared to.

Thanks, Erica,for including me, and best of luck on this wonderful series!

One of our TEDx Speakers, Dan Phillips’ video has made it on to TED.com. An honor for TEDx Houston, and for Dan on such an amazing talk.

Check it out.

And here’s hoping to more TEDx inspiration in the future.

About this talk

In this funny and insightful talk from TEDxHouston, builder Dan Phillips tours us through a dozen homes he’s built in Texas using recycled and reclaimed materials in wildly creative ways. Brilliant, low-tech design details will refresh your own creative drive.

About Dan Phillips

Dan Phillips builds homes out of recycled and reclaimed materials in Huntsville, Texas. Full bio and more links

image: kenziepoo.com

Ok, yes it’s been almost three weeks since the Altitude Design Summit. And it’s taken me that long to get over the fact that I’m the worst skier in America. Maybe even North America.

Way overdue is a wrap-up post on the wonderfulness (that’s absolutely a word) that was the first annual Altitude Design Summit. There are many,  many, many, many, many more timely, great wrap-up posts. Instead of recreating those, I decided to pick my top 10 best memories from ALT. The things (and people) that 3 weeks later, I’m still thinking about.

I was completely honored to be a part of this amazing gathering of creativity, technology, and community. I know where I’ll be in Jan of 2011 (not on the slopes).

1. The SLC Welcome Wagon: Steve Urquhart + Alan Dayton

By far my favorite part of Salt Lake City was meeting and hanging out with these two. Who would have thought that two Utah politicians could be such a hoot? Not me. But that they were.  Taking us far and wide from the streets of SLC to Sundance in Park City, Steve and Alan graciously volunteered to spend time away from their rad families to serve as our official tour guides. I have a feeling that when the Olympic Host Committee visited SLC, these two had something to do with the win. I’m eternally grateful to their hospitality and look forward returning the favor in Texas one day.

2. Those Stunning Stanley Girls

I love hanging around families that are close. And even better, families that are close AND are all creative geniuses. Take the Stanley family, of St. George, UT. I first met Gabby Blair (Design Mom) 2 years ago and was instantly in love with her wit, brain, and heart. Next, I met the hilarious, talented Jordan Ferney (Oh Happy Day) at last year’s Mom 2.0 Summit. At this year’s Alt Summit I had the pleasure of meeting yet another Stanley sister, Sara Urquhart (wife to Steve) who was one of the main organizers of Alt. As an event planner, I can say that the 48-hours leading up to the event resemble something of a war zone on speed, and you would never tell by Sara’s fun and calm demeanor. She truly did a bang up job of organizing this vast undertaking. Also in attendance, Liz Stanley (Say Yes to Hoboken) who married into the Stanley clan, and if you know my freakish obsession with Hoboken, NJ, you can imagine my thrill. I’m so lucky to have gotten to know this family over the last few years. And they cease to amaze me with all of their talents. (Also FINALLY got to me the infamous Ben Blair! woo!)

3. My Conference Partner in Crime: David All

David All sat on the Politicopia pre-ALT panel that I also sat on Wednesday. He and I, along with Colin Delany, Laura Mayes, and Ric Cantrell taught a half-day social media workshop to local Utah politicians. David runs a grassroots communications company in D.C., The David All Group. I was instantly impressed with his presentation and work with recent clients such as Congressman Joe Wilson, and results his firm was able to achieve using social media (or as David will argue, Direct Media, tactics.) I got to know David over the next few days, and found that we had lots of common, outside of our political affiliations. ;-) (I think I confused him when I mentioned Halliburton. “Wait, you’re a Democrat?”) David also showed off his stellar snowboarding skills at Solitude, as I was rolling down the mountain trying to keep my skis in tact. We packed a lot of fun in 3 days and look forward staying in touch with David, and working on future projects together.

4. Meeting Joslyn Taylor of Simple Lovely. She’s simply that. Lovely.

I’ve been a HUGE fan of Joslyn’s blog, Simple Lovely for a long time.  Always incredibly beautiful content. And, she’s a Texas gal! Joslyn was the host of the Dallas Kirsty Book party last Fall, and I was so happy to finally meet her in person. Joslyn moderated a panel on creating a community online, and I was excited to hear some of the ways she chooses content and manages her blog. Hope to see more of Joslyn in the future!

5. Jyl Johnson Pattee showing me the Mormon gang sign.

Man are mormons fun. Yes, fun. as. hell. Which I’m sure was entirely judgmental of me to assume that weren’t. But Jyl topped them all. She was the life of the party at the Thursday night Opening Social. I haven’t thought it was possible for someone to be so fun sober since I was 16. Ok, 15. Jyl showed me the Mormon gang sign. Ok, so yes just an upside down #3, but I was highly amused. Her intoxicating laughter put a smile on everyone’s face. Damn, Mormons are fun.

6. LEAP!

I love Kirsty events, because it means I get to spend time with some of my favorite gals in the world. This trip was no different, and I finally got to meet Kirtsy guy, and Laurie Smithwick‘s other half, Bob. I sat in on Laurie and Bob’s session on Friday (along with Bryan Mason of Typekit and StruckAxiom) where the panel discussed the intersection of design and programming. A particular interest of mine.  Later in the week, I had a blast with Laurie and Bob at Solitude Ski Resort (they are expert skiers!). However, my favorite thing about this Leap Design duo is their exquisite taste in music. Always get new, great recs from these two. Excited to be seeing them at their home in Charlotte this March as Andrew and I travel there during his solo tour. Get the East Coast ready for us, Laurie and Bob!

7. Joy Deangdeelert Cho of Oh Joy

I’ve been a fan of Joy and of her blog, Oh Joy, for a long time. This Christmas, I found out that Joy has recently been designing a line of products for Chronicle Books (also at Alt), when my assistant Kara gave me a super cute notebook designed by Joy. I was ecstatic to find out that she would be a speaker at Alt. Laura and I joked on the plane that I would stalkerishly reveal my notebook to her casually at Alt.  I was thrilled when she walked into the session I was leading on Friday on Twitter for Designers. Until we discovered that, yes, Twitter was DOWN. For an hour during the session Laura and I taught Twitter, without access to Twitter. I will tell you, this is not easy. The attendees were super great about it and seemed to get at least something out of it. I snapped this pic of my notebook, and Joy. I know. Geek. It was pretty rad.

8. Erik Natzke + DJ Earworm = BEST CONFERENCE SESSION EVER.

Seriously. This session blew me away. Blew us all away. I was sitting in between Amber and David and we keep looking at each other like, is this for real? Erik is an artist, designer, and programmer, who creates and gives material substance to his ideas through immaterial computer code. Natzke’s work focuses on aesthetics and methodology, in which code and numbers generate beauty. When Natzke wants to draw something, he doesn’t pick up a pencil. He opens his Flash software editor and starts writing code. After Erik’s amazing presentation, DJ Earworm gave an amazing demonstration of how he creates a mashup. It was amazing to watch him find similar elements of entirely unrelated songs, and make it work. Check out a mashup he played for us of Beyonce’s “If I Were a Boy” and Tom Petty’s “Free Fallin’” or as DJ Earworm has dubbed it, “If I Were A Free Fallin’ Boy.” This was seriously the most entertaining session I have EVER seen at any conference. EVER.

9. The Goodie Bags. Dude, Seriously. Awesome.

Here is a great post from Not Martha on the goodness that was THE goodie bag.

10. My Roll Dawgs: Laura + Amber

Last but certainly not least, my Texas girls Laura and Amber, who made this trip unforgettable. With out them, I’d never have had as much fun, or ever made it down the mountain for that matter. I’ve had so much fun with these girls over the past few years. So many adventures, and so many more to come. Love you, guys!

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header image: http://www.flickr.com/photos/harpy

images 5, 6: gabby blair’s flickr stream

images 2, 8, 10 alt summit flickr stream